HAESJE
There
is something of me that I am not.
To
start with, while we so wondrously
lay
naked there together, I resisted this:
we
are not that, that is how we,
compelled
by custom, present ourselves.
‘Present,’
I said, ‘in perfectly creased clothes
faultlessly
ironed by servants.’
But
you, with honeyed words and strokings
where
I most preferred to be stroked,
could
so persuade me ‘we’ll have ourselves eternalised,’
you
said, ‘and later on when we no longer live
we
will remain, though held apart
in
each our oval painting,
eternally
inseparable.
All
that was over from our bed – close by
while
I tried so hard to
sit
still for that portait,
were
the fleas, just two or three,
which
beneath stiff collar and inside the dress
quite
undisturbed – for I was still forbidden
to
make a move – burrowed
their
pillaging forays.
I
put it to myself that in the light
of
eternity three fleas would no longer
do
much damage. But
now
the two of us are long
since
dead and even the oil-
portraits,
hung as pendants
side
by side, my husband’s oval
turned
into a square and
acquired
by a distant museum –
against
all promises thus
cruelly
separated nonetheless –
I
sometimes in my memory attempt
to
return to those days of posing.
What
were my thoughts, how did I sit
serene
like that, how, as wife of
the
well-known brewer, did I stay
so
cool, so noble and elevated,
how
did I keep out of that portrait
what
we at nightime felt together?
while
even so I sat on pins
and pins what’s more that pricked.
This poem describes a picture at the Rijksmuseum. To see the portrait, go to here.