Monday, 9 November 2015

Benny Andersen on diet problems

Diet

Prawns give you dry corneas
grease brings you out in spots
pancakes lie too heavy in your belly
streaky bacon isn’t good for the heart
fish isn’t good for the butcher
chicken isn’t good for the chicken
meat rissoles aren’t good for anything
avoid sago soup if you’re pregnant
avoid onions if you’re married
sweet is sinful
sour is dangerous
salt shortens your life
bitter spins it out
jam gives you floppy ears
hash makes your swimming bladder contract
egg makes your arms go lopsided
cheese affects your sense of smell
horseradish affects your taste
biscuits affect your hearing
radishes restrict your horizon
peas halt your development
cauliflower blocks the view
breakfast spoils your appetite
night snacks whet it
food isn’t good for the stomach
life is unhealthy
gulp
gulp
gulp



1 comment:

David C Brown said...

Water rots your wellies.